Hello! It's another Impact Review, and as you'll see as we progress through this Review I'm justified with my end statement and what I'm doing with these Impact Reviews. Right I'm pissed off, so let's just get to the Review.
Jeff Jarrett HOF Video Thing
The show started with Dixie fucking Carter coming down to the ring with a Mic. Yet somehow the show managed to sink lower and lower and lower the longer the show went on.
The Jarrett HOF thing is fine, at least he's a "TNA" guy in that he was there at the start.
Bram v Magnus
Right Then. First point. Magnus is gone, they knew he was going at these tapings. Yet they had Magnus effectively beat Bram, one of the very few people in TNA who's staying. Can someone explain the logic here? YOU PUT OVER THE FACT SOMEONE LEAVING CAN OUT-WRESTLE AND BEAT SOMEONE WHO'S STAYING. I'm not even going to get into the fact they had a bloody Ref Bump in the Opening Match on the show and a stipulation match with weapons and violence, it's all just stupid. That's what this whole show was- just completely stupid.
Speaking of stupid, James Storm came out to further this godawful angle. But more of that later.
Eli Drake Promo
This wasn't the best promo ever, it was decent and it got the job done. That said this Promo/Segment with Eli and Galloway was like The Undertaker/Lesnar segment from Monday in comparison to the rest of the show.
Taryn Terrell, Brooke & Gail Kim Segment
This segment was laughably bad. I know there's some people who like Taryn as a Heel- and it's like I've said at some points I blow hot and cold with Taryn's character and for me this was a cold moment. It started off fine with Taryn coming out and being pissed, that bit was fine. Then she got in a Cage and said she was going to hold the show up. What? Either TNA are hopelessly incompetent and just blindly assembled a cage for Taryn OR The Dollhouse built the cage. This made no sense to me. Then Brooke came out and it just got worse. Brooke is decent at best on the Mic and I suppose she was meant to I suppose take the piss out of Taryn and antagonise her, What a Great Babyface. She went out there and took the piss out of someone who's clearly crazy with the sole purpose of rubbing it in. Then Gail Kim showed up, and because Gail's got new gear and a slight variation on her theme she now possesses magic powers. Gail then went on to beat up both of the Dollhouse Members for about 3 Minutes straight while Taryn was in tears and Brooke laughed. So the Dollhouse members can't be taken seen as a legitimate threat ever again, I guarantee you Jade and the other one will take out Brooke on their own in one of the next few weeks.
King of the Mountain Recap
I know the stuff with Hernandez happened and that's the reason for this. But this Match Recap went 3 fucking segments. They edited down the James Storm/Magnus match to about 6 Minutes which was smart- because they didn't give away the whole match of which someone may well have paid for. But the Main Event, which is by definition the selling point and focal point of a show was shown in it's entirety. If I paid for Slammiversary I would be pissed. IT WENT 3 FUCKING SEGMENTS. As of writing this I don't know the Rating that TNA did or the Quarter Hours but I'd love to see them for this. A PPV MATCH REPLAY WAS THE SECOND HOUR LEAD-IN. OH MY GOD.
Tigre Uno calls out Donald Trump
OH MY FUCKING GOD. This fucking thing- it's not an angle, calling it an angle would imply there's actually going to be a Payoff from it. There's literally no chance of there being any kind of payoff from this. It's just using up air-time. The thing with Tigre in Mexico was such a generic promo, you can tell even Tigre doesn't give a fuck about this thing. This whole thing is just for I suppose publicity/getting media attention, but guess what CLICK THIS LINK https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=donald+trump&tbm=nws LITERALLY NO NEWS OUTLETS HAVE PICKED THE STORY UP. SO NOT ONLY IS THIS NOT AN ANGLE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PAYOFF GUARANTEED, IT'S A NON-ANGLE WITH NO PAYOFF THAT'S NOT EVEN GETTING THEM ANY MEDIA ATTENTION. TNA EVERYBODY.
James Storm introduces Serena
So the main purpose of Bram effectively losing to Magnus before shenanigans ensued to make Bram win was to set-up the James Storm attack/Announcement Angle later on in the night. This was that angle and if you look at it it's just completely stupid. I know Storm was in one of the matches they taped last night so he's not completely done with TNA, but let's think about this- James Storm is on a Pay-per-Appearance presumably and he could go at any time, Magnus with the way he's been talking appears to be "done done" with TNA. Mickie James might still be with TNA I can't speak for her- and Serena retired from Wrestling in the last week or two. THAT IS THE BIG ANGLE HERE.
Eric Young v Rockstar Spud- Chain Match
Why was this a Chain Match? These two are in such a blood feud they apparently needed a Chain Match to suitably settle it. At least EY won.
Matt Hardy v Bobby Roode- #1 Contender Tables Match
This was a Main Event, and it was a 7 Minute Tables match with absolutely no heat on it. Oh yeah, it was a random stipulation match with absolutely no build or feud surrounding it. I wish we could do a Freedom of Information act claim on TNA to find out if Vince Russo is still under contract, I genuinely can't think of anyone else who could be this stupid. The Ranking system is complete bullshit seeing as Hardy was #1 without actually winning a match after Jeff got injured off the top of my head, and Matt Hardy. MATT HARDY IS #1 CONTENDER FOR A WORLD TITLE IN 2015. TNA EVERYBODY.
I've calmed down somewhat from last night when I just completely went off on one- if you missed my "coverage" of Impact last night I'd recommend looking back at it to just see what last nights Impact did to me before I could calm down and sleep some of it off. With that in mind I'm giving you this next statement. I'm not a TNA basher- you can look over all of my Impact Reviews I always give credit where credit is due no matter what company is putting on the show. Last Night's show was just so completely awful I feel compelled to do something. After I put this Review up and do my usual plugs for it I'm officially done with TNA for two weeks. Basically from when I do my Last Plug for this Review tonight all the way through until the start of the 12th August Impact I'm completely 100% done with TNA. I won't mention it, I won't watch it, I won't make Bram jokes. I am completely done with Impact for two weeks.
Thanks for reading as always, this show was just SO bad. I've watched a lot of shit Impacts- I've been going on a run of watching pretty much every Impact available online and there were some awful one's even in direct comparison to this one. But this show was just so incredibly bad I had to do something. I don't know what I'll do for my Thursday Review next week- if there's something you want me to Review give me a shout. I might just do a Total Divas review, because at least that's so bad it's funny. This Impact was just so bad you couldn't even laugh at it. Thanks again for reading, and sorry for my Mini-Meltdown on Twitter last night and to a lesser extent on this- I hope it was coherent enough to the point it was at least readable. I should have just had some Clap Therapy.
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