The Unbookables Wrestlemania (2016)

Hello! Consider this post my officially kicking off of Wrestlemania Week on this Blog. If you missed this Post last year, what this basically is- is first and foremost a return of the Booking Blogs. What I'm going to do here is book an entire Wrestlemania card out of the "Unbookables" the wrestlers who were either shoved into the Andre Battle Royal just to get them on the card, or couldn't even get on the card. Also this year, I'm going to include the 10-Diva Pre-Show Tag- because that's pretty much the next most filler "get everyone on the card" type thing to a Battle Royal. As with last year, I've removed Titles from the equation- just because it's way too much hassle and instead I'm going to focus on the feuds.

Before I begin, there's ELEVEN matches on the card for this years Wrestlemania. It doesn't take a genius to work out with me needing a minimum of 2 Wrestlers per Match and the Battle Royal only having a maximum of Twenty Wrestlers I'd struggle. Unless of course I had someone wrestle twice, which I did actually consider- but instead I'll just go by last years more manageable 9 Match Card. Also, just to make it harder for myself- I've decided to exclude Cesaro and Orton from the picture despite their seemingly imminent returns. Right then, let's kick on with this- and remember that the whole point of this is to subvert the concept of the "pecking order" and trying to show that if given the right story pretty much any match/feud could get over.

Pre-Show: Damien Sandow v Darren Young
It's kind of stupid for me to play into what's actually happened in WWE considering the concept of this whole thing. However, that's what I've done here. Remember that one PPV where Sandow and Young teamed against The Ascension, The Dudleys and Swagger & Mark Henry? Remember the "We Want Sandow" chants? Well, Darren Young doesn't want Sandow. I suppose this could be considered similar to the AJ Styles/Chris Jericho feud in that it's a crowd chanting that's set Darren Young off.

It would never happen in a million years, but I'd have Darren Young cutting Promos on how he should be admired by the crowd for coming out as gay and he should be treated as a Hero. Completely ignoring the fact, that as Wrestling Fans we don't really care and want to see good wrestlers such as Sandow succeed. That's the basis of the feud- and it'd be a pretty easy one to pull off as well.

Pre-Show: Lana v Naomi 
Yes, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one. The fact is, if given the right build-up almost anything can work in the WWE. I'm having Naomi as the Babyface in this feud, basically because those Light-Up Boots are pretty much the most Babyface-y thing on the planet.

I think the best way to go with this, is to simply make it the feud about something that everyone will understand to some degree- Family. You'll notice I haven't got Tamina with Naomi, and that's because Lana will have murdered her in the build to this with her Educated Feet- and building into a point I'll make later it should be Tamina's last appearance in the WWE.

The feud would kick-off with something trivial like Naomi accidentally bumping into Lana backstage, but because Lana sees everyone as beneath her- she takes offence to the fact that Naomi dared to bump into her- and it basically escalates from there. It's not perfect, but it's still better than some of the builds we've seen for Mania matches over the years- and even this year.

The Ascension v Golden Truth
I think in "Golden Truth" we've already got the Worst Storyline of the Year for the 2016 Sammy's. In the "real" world we've had 7 Billion Backstage segments, a couple of run-ins where the main focus was The Usos/Dudleys feud and Goldust costing Truth a match at Fast Lane (might be the other way around, can't be bothered to check). However, in "my" world where things have to make sense and everything has a purpose- Golden Truth are a legitimate team who have won the odd match.

This feud wouldn't actually be too dissimilar to how The Ascension debuted. The Ascension will be doing Promos on how they're the "new" legends of the WWE and slagging off various past Tag-Teams. With all that in mind, what better way to prove themselves than beating two Wrestlers who were around in the Attitude Era- and a team with 1, if not 2 Future Hall of Famers. Throw in the whole wacky side of Golden Truth and them being a bit dysfunctional- and we've got a fun match.

I'd also like to point out, with The Ascension being on the Main Show- should I be in charge as is the case in this hypothetical world. The Ascension will be making their entrances with the "Mad Max" Flamethrower Guitars playing their Theme. One day it'll actually happen. One day.

Curtis Axel w/Bo Dallas v The Big Show
For the purposes of this angle, The Social Outcasts don't exist (I know, sad thought). This feud would essentially be based around Bo being... well, Bo. Unless I'm mistaken the WWE actually tried this at one point as well. I'd almost transition Bo away from being a Wrestler should I be fully in charge. Not too dissimilar to Bray in the sense that where their main strength is, is their Promos. Obviously Bray's head and shoulders above Bo, but Bo is without a doubt a complete heat magnet if given the right booking as was shown in NXT.

I'd have Bo become a sort of "life coach" type character, trying to "motivate" wrestlers and in turn get Wrestlers on his side to take the beatings he will no doubt attract by being Bo. I realise I had this match in last years incarnation of this blog- but it's a completely different angle this time around. Rather than have Axel believe he's Hogan and try to Bodyslam Big Show. Bo will make Axel legitimately believe he can beat The Big Show with all of his "motivational" tactics and in the build Bo will make sure Axel's beaten Show a couple of times with various shenanigans; weapons, count-outs etc.

The pay-off will of course be Big Show murdering Axel in pretty swift fashion, Bo getting into the ring to berate Axel and be generally pissed, turning around seeing Big Show, trying to run, getting caught and Big Show knocking him out.

Paige, Emma and Summer Rae v Brie Bella, Natalya & Alicia Fox- Losers Leaves WWE
This is an angle I think may actually have a slim chance of happening in the "real" WWE. Or at least I really hope it does. I'd have Paige, Emma and Summer align with each other- under the (not wrong) idea that they shouldn't be spare parts in the "Divas Revolution" when they were the ones who kick-started it down in NXT. We'll get vignettes along those lines saying "they aren't part of the Revolution, they are the Revolution. It'll also give Paige a chance to get back to a darker Heel character which I think is needed.

I realise it's somewhat hypocritical given the fact I was repeatedly slagging off the whole "every Woman has to be in a 3-Person Group" angle last summer- but I think it makes a lot of sense here. In a "Revolution" you have to overthrow the old regime, and for the purposes of this angle it's represented by Brie, Fox and Nattie. It's not exactly a secret that Brie's done soon, Fox has been in the WWE system for the longest of all the Divas in the Company I believe and I'd use this "Losers Leave" angle to write Nattie off of TV for a while- bringing her back (in Canada of course) and kicking off an angle with Paige at a later date.

The fact is we've currently got 13 (including Eva and Emma who may go back to NXT after Sunday) active Main Roster Divas. To be blunt, considering the Divas get an absolute maximum of 2 Divas Segments on RAW- having 13 Women is ridiculous and WWE need to thin the herd pretty soon.

Heath Slater v Fandango- Some sort of gimmicked Street Fight with Musical Instruments
This one isn't nearly as a detailed feud, playing into stuff that's already happened. Basically, it's Rock Music vs Ballroom. I had considered doing Fandango vs Tyler Breeze in a contest to see who's the more self-centred and vapid. However, I've got bigger plans for Tyler Breeze- and as such Fandango ends up defending the honour of Ballroom Music against the One-Man Band. It also helps that Wrestlemania Weekend is pretty much the only time that Fandango's actually over, and Slater's... Slater. I wouldn't even have a defined Babyface/Heel dynamic in this one to be honest, just make it was fun and wacky as possible.

Braun Strowman & Erick Rowan v Kane & Mark Henry
This is me basically getting into the Vince "Clash of Giants" matches sell tickets dammit mode. It's annoying because I've had this match in mind for this Post for a while (well, a couple of weeks) and then Harper went and got injured- when he'd have been the work-horse of this match.

The one thing that has to be said for this match, and it's perhaps why we get them so often- they're ridiculously easy to book and sell. There doesn't need to be some detailed feud with nuanced facial expressions- it just has to be about who the better giants are. Of course Strowman would be the one with the finish to put the "shine" on him and we'd get the first of two Wyatt related matches on the card.

Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter v Primo w/Epico- Ambulance Match
Unlike last year, mainly because of the lack of options in comparison to last year- name changes are allowed provided they make sense. Hence the Matadors going back to Epico & Primo. Granted, as someone based in England without a taste for Politics I've of course heard about Trump and his various statements- without paying much attention to them. However, in conceiving this Card- and seeing I still had Swagger available and Zeb still under Contract- I don't think it's too much of a leap to reboot the Swagger and Zeb pairing and make them Trump Enthusiasts.

Of course, with the Trump Enthusiasts you need a protagonist- and in this case it's the only Latinos other than Rosa Mendes that aren't already being used elsewhere. I genuinely liked Epico & Primo when they were just Epico & Primo, so they're not complete duds in my book- but of course Swagger would win and remain fairly prominent while all the US Election stuff rolls on.

Bray Wyatt v Tyler Breeze- No DQ Match
You lot have no idea how relieved I am to have someone like Bray Wyatt available to me for this Post. I've tried my best to give substance (or at least some semblance of) to all of the angles in this Post- but it's hard when there's such little character development over YEARS with I'd say over half the people in this. However, Bray Wyatt is my "banker". Bray's the one who I can properly get my teeth sunk into with regard to a feud and how it's executed. So why have I given him Tyler Breeze?

In "my" WWE, I'll have made Tyler Breeze a "Zoolander-esque" Babyface to tie into the release of the new film. The characters are already quite similar, and I think Breeze has enough talent to have pulled it off. That of course makes Breeze shallow, vacuous and just generally the absolute antithesis of what the Bray Wyatt character is- and what Bray believes himself to be. It's literally a collision of two completely different worlds, and the story will be around whether Breeze can become more vicious and ruthless enough to combat Bray Wyatt. Basically, if there's something beneath the surface with Tyler Breeze.

As the match progressed Breeze will of course show himself to be capable of being vicious, ruthless etc.  taking out Strowman and Rowan as they try to interfere. However as Breeze is seemingly about to win, we get the Wyatts screen effect thing, the lights come back on and Leo Kruger appears. Yes, I hadn't forgot Adam Rose on this card- I was just saving him for my continued dream booking. Kruger will obviously take out Breeze leaving Bray to Sister Abigail and Pin Breeze.

This Unbookables Wrestlemania ends with The Wyatts standing tall, 4-Men strong once again. My logic with this, and I'm of course a huge Wyatts fan is they need a new member now Harper's out for (I believe) 6 Months so they can have a Tag Team and a Singles competitor within the Family along with Bray. Then we could eventually either have Harper return & re-join the Family or return and feud with Bray (both being realistic possibilities in the "actual" WWE).

There we go then, once again I've fashioned- what I at least believe to be a pretty decent Mania card out of the forgotten men (and women of Wrestlemania). It was even harder to do so this year, because as made reference to at the start- we've got a tonne of injuries and the WWE have put 11 matches (9 of which's competitors were excluded from this Post) on the Mania Card. However, I think I've done a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself.

Obviously you lot can feel free to disagree with me on this, and feel free to let me know if you do. Thanks for reading as always, these Posts are well and truly back at this stage- and they're going to continue as such pretty much daily over the course of Mania Weekend. We've got the Takeover Review (THREE FUCKING AM), Mania Predictions/Review, RAW Review and Booking Wrestlemania 33 all to look forward to within the next week or so. So hopefully you'll keep coming back for those and going forward. Thanks again for reading, and remember- I'M STAYING UP UNTIL 5 FUCKING AM. THERE'D BETTER BE THE FUCKING BALOR CLUB TONIGHT.