RAW Review: 25th May

Hello! It's another Review and with the second of the two week build for Elimination Chamber being this week you had to hope that WWE would up their games to get last minute subscribers for free and then hope that they get a small ratio translated into paid subscribers. After last weeks RAW I wasn't necessarily excited for this week- because that implies some sort of anticipation for said RAW, which completely passed me over because up until about 5pm Yesterday I thought it was a Sunday... Bloody Bank Holidays. Anyway, with a lot of stuff to be sorted out you lot don't want me to be aimlessly rambling- you want Rambling with a Point- so LET'S GO.

Authority Promo
Much in the way of an Authority Promo I'm going to make this paragraph unnecessarily long when the payoff would take much less time- and of course I'm going to make all of you suffer through it (forget the fact you can scroll down). This paragraph will be so unnecessarily long you won't even know what's hit you- it's like I could make a "Things Longer than Seth" joke, but it would be moot because the paragraph would be so long. This paragraph will be so, so, so unnecessarily long. I didn't really like it.

Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose v Rollins & Kane
Because we'd never seen this match or some variation on it before. It's not that the guys involved are bad- it's just with the way WWE limits move-sets there's only so many different orders said moves can be used in, and if they're being sold the same way every night the move loses it's effectiveness in terms of a crowd response. At least they half protected Rollins by having him losing via Roll-Up as opposed to taking Both Finishers and getting pinned as I thought they would do after Kane messed up something. It seems as though the Kane story is officially dead after tonight- but then again, I could have told you that weeks ago. When Stephanie said she was making the Main Event, and it starts right now I thought she'd lost the plot but by the time it got to about 20 to 2 I genuinely thought it would be the Main Event.

Dean Ambrose Backstage Promo/Brawl
I just don't get why they went down this route, I joked about it a bit that Roman would come down and sign the contract- but nobody really believed Ambrose wouldn't show back up and that completely lost the effectiveness of the Segment. There are so many different ways that Ambrose can seemingly have the odds stacked against him in his bid to get the Match, so why they went with him taking out a cameraman I simply don't know.

Rusev v R-Truth
Lana Machka'd his Heart, So he Rusev's gonna go back to his roots and Machka some Black People.

Lana & Rusev Promo
This whole dynamic is still doing nothing for me. It might be because of how strongly opposed I am to the Lana's Murican storyline they're slowly building but I'm saving all of my ranting juices on that topic until it actually happens when I'll go nuclear so you lot had better retreat to the designated safe zone. (It's your Fridge in case you were wondering, GOD HAVE NONE OF YOU SEEN THE LAST INDIANA JONES- WELL, IF YOU HAVEN'T DON'T... SAVE YOURSELF). Anyway, back to the dynamic. It's just confusing- Lana's done being controlled by Rusev because she a Strong Independent Lana who don't need no Rusev; and then she's ran straight into the arms of Dolph Ziggler who is pretty much the womaniser of WWE. It just doesn't make any sense, and I don't see any logical way that it works other than Lana turns on Dolph and realigns with Rusev, but that would mean the Lana's Murican story would be a moot point so I can't see that happening.

Ryback v King Barrett
As soon as Bray won we pretty much knew the storyline between him and Ryback was over- and as I predicted they gave over a month of build to an unsatisfying midcard match with a dodgy payoff. Now Bray doesn't have a feud and Ryback's inexplicably beating the King of the Ring despite being hardly able to breathe. WWE is improving the midcard, I'm not going to say they're not but it's still a long way off being uniform in terms of it's general booking.

Authority meet them lot off the TV Show that I don't watch and have no plans to watch and inexplicably have a Film coming out.
I'm getting better at those headlines... Sound Bytes. The fact the brought up Rousey was the only notable point- and from a business standpoint it was promising in that they keep the Rousey name on the minds of everyone in the "Universe". Apart from that it was just a meaningless Authority backstage Promo- never had one of those before.

Neville v Stardust
In another world this would be a 20+ Minute Main Event. They're killing Stardust- and while Curtis Axel is my next Wrestler to get the KRUGAH treatement "Stardust" won't be too far behind- although I'm leaving all of my "Who to Book" guys up to you guys- so look out for my next one on Twitter and my next Booking Post which if everything goes to plan will be up this week. I like that Bo is actually getting somewhat serious, because he was such a great heel in terms of heat generated in NXT and unlike some gimmicks it could translate well onto the Main Roster.

Them lot off the TV meet the Expendable- I mean Divas.
I'm not going to rant, it's not worth the energy to be honest- so if you want a rant, Unlucky. Less than a Week Ago NXT in a 2 Hour "PPV" featured 8 Women; Carmella as a Valet, Alexa Bliss who impacted the result of the match, The 4 Women in the Tag Match and of course Sasha v Becky. Unless I've got my dates wrong that was the first NXT "PPV" since the "Give Divas a Chance" stuff started. Then we get onto what they did with Summer, Layla, Emma and Alicia. They were literally pimped out to them lot off TV show- if that isn't "Giving Divas a Chance" I don't know what is to be honest. It just frustrates me more than anything- because they didn't even have the useless "Divas" do it- Rosa and Cameron were in Catering, they actually had some of the Divas who can wrestle (better than The Bellas might I add) being pimped out to a load of guys who are irrelevant. They were literally hanging around backstage waiting for them to show up so they can take them to a secluded area. NXT had 8 Women featured in a 2 Hour Show and none of them felt crowbarred in and all of them had a defined purpose on the night- on a 3 Hour Show the only way to pad out the number of Women featured was to pimp them out. Also, isn't Summer Rae meant to be Superbitch now after turning on Mizdow- so why is she hanging around with babyfaces?! UGGGGGGHHHHHH. Not only that, them lot off the TV turned the Divas down because they wanted to hang out with Zack bloody Ryder- we're supposed to perceive "Divas" as Smart, Sexy and Powerful when Zack Ryder has more pulling power than them- WHERE IS THE LOGIC IN THIS SCENARIO?! THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE IT ANY WORSE FOR THE DIVAS WOULD BE IF WERNER HERZOG TURNED UP AND TOLD ALL OF THE DIVAS THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD BUT FEAR, DESPERATION AND MURDER. ACTUALLY IF WERNER HERZOG NARRATED THIS SEGMENT IT WOULD HAVE MADE ME LESS ANGRY. LET'S HAVE WERNER HERZOG AS THE GUEST HOST FOR RAW WHEN HE CAN HAVE A BLOODY HAREM WITH ALL OF THE DIVAS.

The whole "I'm not going to Rant" thing went well.

It's safe to come out now.

Sheamus v Dolph Ziggler
The horse when it comes to these two in matches hadn't been beaten to death enough it seems. Both of these guys are good in-ring, that's not the problem; their storyline is seemingly dead now and when you have built in pairings with the Elimination Chamber why the hell would you continue to pair them?!

Then we had the Rusev attack after, and of course because she's a Strong Independent Lana who don't need no Rusev- she looked concerned for the Womaniser of WWE.

John Cena v Zack Ryder
I get the feeling this was the send off match both for the Nassau Coliseum and Zack Ryder. I really liked this match, it had somewhat of a Santino in the Elimination Chamber against Bryan feel to it- in that Ryder is a jobber, we know he's a jobber- but with the interference from them lot off the TV among other things you just for a second second-guessed the outcome; and in this sort of match and the dynamic there is that's the only thing you can hope for. Also, WHO THE HELL KNEW RYDER COULD DO A 450?! All of those hours in Catering with Justin Gabriel has worked wonders.

I loved the Owens attack after, his updated look with the new shirt and proper fight shorts is perfect for him. I've seen people saying stuff along the lines of this confirms the outcome on Sunday- and yes, it does- but who honestly thought Owens would win anyway? Besides, Cena's Open Challenge is consistently a highlight of RAW- so why would people want that to stop?

Tamina v Paige
This was an average match, it wasn't offensive to my eyes as some Divas matches can be- it was sloppy but it was still just "meh". That is if you're deaf, and they crowbarred yet more "Divas" onto the show by having The Bellas on Commentary- and they took an average match and made the segment turn into complete crap. So thanks Nikki, Keep Sucking Cena so you can make RAW segments equally suck.

New Day Promo
There isn't much to say about New Day other than "NEW...  DAY ROCKS, NEW... DAY ROCKS, NEW... DAY ROCKS". They're just heat magnets- and I love them for that fact.

New Day v KiddSaro, The Ascension, The Primetime Players, The Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores
Doesn't matter what happened after, New Day won... "NEW... DAY ROCKS, NEW... DAY ROCKS, NEW... DAY ROCKS".

Authority Promo
In a Breakfast for Dinner sort of way The Authority closed the show in the ring with a meandering Promo. I'll just pretend it didn't happen primarily because I can't remember any of the stuff they said. Anyway, onto the positive from the whole night- last night was the first time since Mania I've liked how they've booked Roman. He went head first into a 7 (?) on 1 Situation knowing he'll take a beating- but he took that beating to stall for his mate, and him smiling in the background as Ambrose entered was perfect because he conveyed that to the people who may not necessarily have picked up on that. I liked the ending without loving it, but as I said- I liked how Roman was booked for a change so the segment was a success.

Thanks for reading as always, it's going to be a busy week for the Wrasslin part of this Blog because we've got the Axel Booking Blog which'll be suitably mental but fun (should be out this week, don't want to commit to a day though), then the Impact Review, Elimination Chamber Predictions, Elimination Chamber Review and then we're back this time next week for the RAW Review. So Stay Tuned for all of those- and I hope you enjoy them. Thanks again for reading, and Remember. THERE IS NOTHING BUT FEAR, DESPERATION AND MURDER.